The slow march of time is neither slow nor a march. It is a rollercoaster. It will start out slow in the beginning, building with anticipation. Then one day you will reach your first peak... and down you go. Time speeds along from there, shaking your body with its force. Occasionally it will slow down a little for some milestone, then speed right back up for the next. It will never again go by as slowly as it did those first few years, but it will come closest when you're nearing the end. No more peaks and valleys... time will slow to an even keel before jerking you abruptly to a stop. And then you get off the ride.
Monday, July 10, 2017
Sunday, March 20, 2016
pants on fire
Why do people lie? I don't mean occasional, dumb white lies. I mean big ones. Chronic lies. The kind that you can't possibly reasonably expect to never get caught in.
They will catch up to you eventually. At least some of them. Enough of them that I know to regard the rest of what you say with suspicion.
It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that some of those lies hurt people. Mutual friends of ours. Sometimes where I'm being used as an alibi. Sometimes where I'm pitted against someone. Sometimes (actually, quite often) to the point where I'm forced to choose between two people. And then the liar gets cut out of my life. Because let's face it: I'm not naive; just very willing to give people the benefit of the doubt for a while or bestow forgiveness.
I still love those people and wish them well for the most part (well, most of them, but perhaps not all). But it's really quite impossible to maintain close friendships with people like that. For one thing, they're draining. And for another, there's always consequences. Their lives are constant train wrecks... and why? Bad decisions. When you lie that much, there's bound to be a few that come back and bite you on the ass. The last thing I want is to be caught by a piece of shrapnel when your life explodes (again).
I'm not saying that I'm not guilty of busting out the popcorn when drama springs up... but I prefer my drama at a distance. Like in random groups on Facebook. And yeah, no friends group or family is completely devoid of disagreements or drama or whatever. But generally it's silly things... like my cousin forgetting to keep it a secret that I snuck my bike into the trunk of mom's car. Or fighting with my best friend over some obscure philosophical point, slamming the phone down, and then messaging him five minutes later on Facebook because something funny happened. Normal shit. Harmless shit. Not shit that permanently affects people's lives.
I just don't understand those kinds of people. I don't understand how other people keep those kinds of people closely in their lives. And in some ways it's quite a shame because so many of these people were fun, charismatic friends whose company I enjoyed, who made periods of my life brighter until their shit caught up with them and it spilled over into my world.
Perhaps I could salvage these friendships if only any of them would come clean about their lies, to admit they had a problem. But thus far, I can only think of one friend who's done so, at least partially. I can't say we're particularly close friends, but at least they're still in my life.
They will catch up to you eventually. At least some of them. Enough of them that I know to regard the rest of what you say with suspicion.
It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that some of those lies hurt people. Mutual friends of ours. Sometimes where I'm being used as an alibi. Sometimes where I'm pitted against someone. Sometimes (actually, quite often) to the point where I'm forced to choose between two people. And then the liar gets cut out of my life. Because let's face it: I'm not naive; just very willing to give people the benefit of the doubt for a while or bestow forgiveness.
I still love those people and wish them well for the most part (well, most of them, but perhaps not all). But it's really quite impossible to maintain close friendships with people like that. For one thing, they're draining. And for another, there's always consequences. Their lives are constant train wrecks... and why? Bad decisions. When you lie that much, there's bound to be a few that come back and bite you on the ass. The last thing I want is to be caught by a piece of shrapnel when your life explodes (again).
I'm not saying that I'm not guilty of busting out the popcorn when drama springs up... but I prefer my drama at a distance. Like in random groups on Facebook. And yeah, no friends group or family is completely devoid of disagreements or drama or whatever. But generally it's silly things... like my cousin forgetting to keep it a secret that I snuck my bike into the trunk of mom's car. Or fighting with my best friend over some obscure philosophical point, slamming the phone down, and then messaging him five minutes later on Facebook because something funny happened. Normal shit. Harmless shit. Not shit that permanently affects people's lives.
I just don't understand those kinds of people. I don't understand how other people keep those kinds of people closely in their lives. And in some ways it's quite a shame because so many of these people were fun, charismatic friends whose company I enjoyed, who made periods of my life brighter until their shit caught up with them and it spilled over into my world.
Perhaps I could salvage these friendships if only any of them would come clean about their lies, to admit they had a problem. But thus far, I can only think of one friend who's done so, at least partially. I can't say we're particularly close friends, but at least they're still in my life.
Friday, May 29, 2015
Why is this photo so cursed?!
So you may remember me griping about how this photo got taken down for absolutely no reason a while back. I reposted it, barely got any notes on the new post, and just shrugged my shoulders in grumpy defeat. But to add insult to injury, today on my dashboard I get to see my photo... but it wasn't reblogged from me. Nope! Some jackass stole it and reuploaded it to their Halloween blog without credit. UGH. Why the hell do people have to steal my photography?!
 |
| in case anyone dares to doubt me |
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Stupid Facebook
Wow, Facebook... what the hell?! I was trying to post this lovely article by Amy Walker on my newsfeed when Facebook decided to flag it as possible spam or something... o_0
Um... is there some reason you're suspicious of blogspot posts now, Facebook? Or is it something else? :\
Ugh... at least I was able to get the Captcha on the first try for once.
Um... is there some reason you're suspicious of blogspot posts now, Facebook? Or is it something else? :\
Ugh... at least I was able to get the Captcha on the first try for once.
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Constantine (Spoilers for Episodes 1 and 2)
As some of you might know, I am terrible about keeping up with TV shows. I DVR them and then watch them like a year later. I am still a season behind on Teen Wolf. And I'm pretty sure there's some new My Cat From Hell hanging out on the DVR. So for me to be on episode 2 of Constantine is a pretty impressive feat. I might even finish getting caught up this week (if our cable and internet stop having outages).
Well, of course with this being a show about John Constantine, I have some thoughts. Opinions, really. Strong opinions. But I'm only two episodes in so I don't have an overwhelming amount to say yet.
Firstly, why are they pronouncing his name that way? I can understand the Americans bollocksing it up... but shouldn't John himself be pronouncing it with the long "i"? That struck me as really weird.
The first episode was solid. They must have blown a fortune in special fx. It was downright movie quality. I don't expect the future episodes to keep up with that (for one, they'll most likely concentrate on just one monster-of-the-week anyway), but just knowing that they'll be using quality special fx when they do use them and not some hokey shit is a relief.
The story was pretty good. I would have liked to know a little more about Jasper but there wasn't much room with all the introductory stuff going on. Liv was a good character. I actually liked her a bit, but I'm also insanely glad they went with Zed instead. Having a naive kid as a sidekick would have completely changed the tone of the show. Not that you couldn't make a good show out of that... but that show wouldn't be Hellblazer. You could see it towards the end middle/end of the episode how a show like that would have gone... the wide-eyed ingenue constantly interrupting the flow in order to marvel at something, be skeptical, have questions, get kidnapped, etc. The focus of the show would have shifted to her experiences because she's "relatable" or some nonsense. It would have been dragged down into "family friendly" land and never recover. Yeah, no thanks. I want to see the world through John's eyes and get in his head. I don't need another character to bridge some non-existent gap between us. So good on them for bringing in an adult like Zed instead.
Random thought: "Zed" is really just the letter "Z" in the British alphabet. So now that our lovely Mary Martin is an American, shouldn't she be calling herself "Z" or "Zee" instead? Or why not make her a British ex-pat if they wanted to keep the name? It just doesn't make much sense.
But back to episode 1, my only complaints were some pacing issues, acting issues, the way a particular line was said. Minor quibbles really for a brand new show where everything and everyone is still gelling. Also, thank god Chas lived. I, and every other Hellblazer reader, would have flipped their shit if one of the most important (and long lived) people in John's life had gotten killed off in the first episode. And he's an actual adult this time and not Shia LeBouf!
Episode two was a bit different. There was some awkward teasing of a future romance between John and Zed, which felt like the writers just crammed it into the script after the fact. Which would make sense if they had originally written this script with the Liv character in mind. There were a few parts that felt like they were meant for Liv. Mostly I really like John and Zed together. I think they work well as partners. But I'm not really feeling them as romantic partners yet. I think perhaps the way it was scripted was just too hamfisted. I know in the comics Zed was instantly attracted to John... but like there are ways to portray an instant attraction believably and this just wasn't one of them. It wasn't just a lack of chemistry, but was full of complete and total awkwardness. But platonically, I think they're fabulous together.
There were moments at the coal mine where the cinematography made me think of MacGyver. It reminded me that this was a weekly tv show in the strongest way possible. But other than those few moments, I remained immersed in the fantasy world. Still, it gave me the uncomfortable worry that the show might become just another generic supernatural show, albeit one with a Constantine flavor, rather than a TV adaptation of Hellblazer.
The Coblynau (Knockers, really) were a really great pick. Interesting lore that has ties to Pennsylvania and the UK so it makes perfect sense that John would know all about them and that they'd be in an American mine. Kudos to whoever researched that one. This part of the plot was thoroughly enjoyable.
The storyline about the Romani woman... not so much.
I don't understand what a Romani woman would have to do with (primarily) Welsh spirits. Why not make her Welsh? Maybe some sort of Celtic druid? I mean... something to tie her to one of the cultures these things actually come from.
And then the line: "There's nothing blacker than gypsy magic."
FOR FUCK'S SAKE, REALLY?!
Look, I haven't read every Hellblazer book out there yet. I've only read a little bit with Zed, and that was the newer stuff where she's older. But I think I've read enough TPB's to say that John Constantine is NOT racist. This line made me cringe so fucking hard. I can't even.
AND... not to distract from the racism of the line, but it's also terribly inaccurate drivel conjured up by old timey racists and xenophobes and perpetuated by modern media. John Constantine, Mr. anti-capitalist anarcho-punk chaos magician himself, would not actually believe such bullshit. One of the things I appreciate about the comic book is that the (magic) tech is usually well-researched and doesn't just play into cliches about what non-practitioners believe thanks to wildly inaccurate TV shows, movies, and books. John should be the one correcting these stereotypes and inaccuracies, not perpetuating them. This was just painful.
And to MAKE IT WORSE... the show heavily hinted that the Romani wife was abused by her husband. It was never shown on screen, just implied by the way she cringed and shrunk in on herself as the husband demanded food and used his body posture to intimidate her. And more than once it was stated that there was a blackness or evil rising up that was twisting things. John knew that she was being twisted and manipulated by this evil... that it was using her rage at her abuser to provoke her towards evil magic. And I'm pretty sure he got enough hints during the bathroom scene to know she had been duped and abused by this asshole. Which is why the ending where he lets her abuser's spirit drag her down into the earth is SO FUCKING DISTURBING.
Look, even if she was for sure a lost cause and needed to be dealt with "permanently", you should have picked a different fucking way. This ending was so stomach-turning. It's a complete insult to anyone who's been the victim of domestic violence.
I was going to end this on a positive note, but now I'm quite upset again and don't remember what it was.
I'm not giving up on the show yet... I have about 5 more episodes DVR'd I believe. I'm hoping there was enough outrage that it knocked some sense into the writers. I guess we'll see. I just really hope they the powers-that-be don't give up on John Constantine/Hellblazer as a franchise. Because I absolutely believe that the real John Constantine from Hellblazer would be a hit with viewers... but if this show doesn't pan out, it'll be because of racism, sexism, and bad writing; not anything canon from the comics (because the so-called "offensive" shit that happened in the comics wouldn't make it to network TV anyway).
Anyway, it's time to watch another episode. Let's see how this one goes.
Edit - My friend asked me how I would have resolved the episode. That's a fair question. And easy to answer. There was a ton of completely innocent miners (and other not-as-innocent people from the mining company) that she killed with her magic. John could have called upon them as a group to take their vengeance. Same basic plot, but nothing to make me want to rage-quit. There was absolutely no need to call upon the abusive husband specifically.
As my friend pointed out, John fucks up a lot in the comics. Buuuutttt... his fuck ups get called out or bite him on the ass. There is always a sense that the comic writers are aware that he did a bad thing. But there was absolutely no sense of that in this episode. I feel like the tv show writers were not expecting this to be offensive at all. (This isn't an HBO show, after all). I will gladly eat my words if the writers punish him for it in the next episode or two (ie the ones that were filmed before fan feedback). But I wouldn't count on it. I'm 99.999999% sure this episode was a one-off, monster-of-the-week sort of thing and that the writers were completely oblivious to the sexism, misogyny, and racism they conveyed, not just in John's actions but in the depiction of the wife character herself.
Ya know, I think it says something rather negative about our society that we can have a storyline approved where the main character facilitates the revenge of an abusive husband upon his battered wife with no negative consequences or judgment, but everyone freaks out at the thought of him smoking (though that appears to be a non-issue now) or being bisexual (not holding my breath for this to get addressed).
Well, of course with this being a show about John Constantine, I have some thoughts. Opinions, really. Strong opinions. But I'm only two episodes in so I don't have an overwhelming amount to say yet.
Firstly, why are they pronouncing his name that way? I can understand the Americans bollocksing it up... but shouldn't John himself be pronouncing it with the long "i"? That struck me as really weird.
The first episode was solid. They must have blown a fortune in special fx. It was downright movie quality. I don't expect the future episodes to keep up with that (for one, they'll most likely concentrate on just one monster-of-the-week anyway), but just knowing that they'll be using quality special fx when they do use them and not some hokey shit is a relief.
The story was pretty good. I would have liked to know a little more about Jasper but there wasn't much room with all the introductory stuff going on. Liv was a good character. I actually liked her a bit, but I'm also insanely glad they went with Zed instead. Having a naive kid as a sidekick would have completely changed the tone of the show. Not that you couldn't make a good show out of that... but that show wouldn't be Hellblazer. You could see it towards the end middle/end of the episode how a show like that would have gone... the wide-eyed ingenue constantly interrupting the flow in order to marvel at something, be skeptical, have questions, get kidnapped, etc. The focus of the show would have shifted to her experiences because she's "relatable" or some nonsense. It would have been dragged down into "family friendly" land and never recover. Yeah, no thanks. I want to see the world through John's eyes and get in his head. I don't need another character to bridge some non-existent gap between us. So good on them for bringing in an adult like Zed instead.
Random thought: "Zed" is really just the letter "Z" in the British alphabet. So now that our lovely Mary Martin is an American, shouldn't she be calling herself "Z" or "Zee" instead? Or why not make her a British ex-pat if they wanted to keep the name? It just doesn't make much sense.
But back to episode 1, my only complaints were some pacing issues, acting issues, the way a particular line was said. Minor quibbles really for a brand new show where everything and everyone is still gelling. Also, thank god Chas lived. I, and every other Hellblazer reader, would have flipped their shit if one of the most important (and long lived) people in John's life had gotten killed off in the first episode. And he's an actual adult this time and not Shia LeBouf!
Episode two was a bit different. There was some awkward teasing of a future romance between John and Zed, which felt like the writers just crammed it into the script after the fact. Which would make sense if they had originally written this script with the Liv character in mind. There were a few parts that felt like they were meant for Liv. Mostly I really like John and Zed together. I think they work well as partners. But I'm not really feeling them as romantic partners yet. I think perhaps the way it was scripted was just too hamfisted. I know in the comics Zed was instantly attracted to John... but like there are ways to portray an instant attraction believably and this just wasn't one of them. It wasn't just a lack of chemistry, but was full of complete and total awkwardness. But platonically, I think they're fabulous together.
There were moments at the coal mine where the cinematography made me think of MacGyver. It reminded me that this was a weekly tv show in the strongest way possible. But other than those few moments, I remained immersed in the fantasy world. Still, it gave me the uncomfortable worry that the show might become just another generic supernatural show, albeit one with a Constantine flavor, rather than a TV adaptation of Hellblazer.
The Coblynau (Knockers, really) were a really great pick. Interesting lore that has ties to Pennsylvania and the UK so it makes perfect sense that John would know all about them and that they'd be in an American mine. Kudos to whoever researched that one. This part of the plot was thoroughly enjoyable.
The storyline about the Romani woman... not so much.
I don't understand what a Romani woman would have to do with (primarily) Welsh spirits. Why not make her Welsh? Maybe some sort of Celtic druid? I mean... something to tie her to one of the cultures these things actually come from.
And then the line: "There's nothing blacker than gypsy magic."
FOR FUCK'S SAKE, REALLY?!
Look, I haven't read every Hellblazer book out there yet. I've only read a little bit with Zed, and that was the newer stuff where she's older. But I think I've read enough TPB's to say that John Constantine is NOT racist. This line made me cringe so fucking hard. I can't even.
AND... not to distract from the racism of the line, but it's also terribly inaccurate drivel conjured up by old timey racists and xenophobes and perpetuated by modern media. John Constantine, Mr. anti-capitalist anarcho-punk chaos magician himself, would not actually believe such bullshit. One of the things I appreciate about the comic book is that the (magic) tech is usually well-researched and doesn't just play into cliches about what non-practitioners believe thanks to wildly inaccurate TV shows, movies, and books. John should be the one correcting these stereotypes and inaccuracies, not perpetuating them. This was just painful.
And to MAKE IT WORSE... the show heavily hinted that the Romani wife was abused by her husband. It was never shown on screen, just implied by the way she cringed and shrunk in on herself as the husband demanded food and used his body posture to intimidate her. And more than once it was stated that there was a blackness or evil rising up that was twisting things. John knew that she was being twisted and manipulated by this evil... that it was using her rage at her abuser to provoke her towards evil magic. And I'm pretty sure he got enough hints during the bathroom scene to know she had been duped and abused by this asshole. Which is why the ending where he lets her abuser's spirit drag her down into the earth is SO FUCKING DISTURBING.
Look, even if she was for sure a lost cause and needed to be dealt with "permanently", you should have picked a different fucking way. This ending was so stomach-turning. It's a complete insult to anyone who's been the victim of domestic violence.
 |
| Epiphany does not approve. |
I was going to end this on a positive note, but now I'm quite upset again and don't remember what it was.
I'm not giving up on the show yet... I have about 5 more episodes DVR'd I believe. I'm hoping there was enough outrage that it knocked some sense into the writers. I guess we'll see. I just really hope they the powers-that-be don't give up on John Constantine/Hellblazer as a franchise. Because I absolutely believe that the real John Constantine from Hellblazer would be a hit with viewers... but if this show doesn't pan out, it'll be because of racism, sexism, and bad writing; not anything canon from the comics (because the so-called "offensive" shit that happened in the comics wouldn't make it to network TV anyway).
Anyway, it's time to watch another episode. Let's see how this one goes.
Edit - My friend asked me how I would have resolved the episode. That's a fair question. And easy to answer. There was a ton of completely innocent miners (and other not-as-innocent people from the mining company) that she killed with her magic. John could have called upon them as a group to take their vengeance. Same basic plot, but nothing to make me want to rage-quit. There was absolutely no need to call upon the abusive husband specifically.
As my friend pointed out, John fucks up a lot in the comics. Buuuutttt... his fuck ups get called out or bite him on the ass. There is always a sense that the comic writers are aware that he did a bad thing. But there was absolutely no sense of that in this episode. I feel like the tv show writers were not expecting this to be offensive at all. (This isn't an HBO show, after all). I will gladly eat my words if the writers punish him for it in the next episode or two (ie the ones that were filmed before fan feedback). But I wouldn't count on it. I'm 99.999999% sure this episode was a one-off, monster-of-the-week sort of thing and that the writers were completely oblivious to the sexism, misogyny, and racism they conveyed, not just in John's actions but in the depiction of the wife character herself.
Ya know, I think it says something rather negative about our society that we can have a storyline approved where the main character facilitates the revenge of an abusive husband upon his battered wife with no negative consequences or judgment, but everyone freaks out at the thought of him smoking (though that appears to be a non-issue now) or being bisexual (not holding my breath for this to get addressed).
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Punk
I need to make a playlist of punk music to cry to. It will consist of Against Me!, The Menzingers, The Ataris, Hot Water Music, and Jawbreaker.
Monday, September 29, 2014
Cat TV
My cats are so lazy. Other people's cats go crazy when you bust out the laser pointer. It's actually entertaining. Mine get smart to it and just lay down, while lazily putting out a paw like Daria.
But don't even think about stopping. If my arm gets tired and I decide to put the toy away before they're ready, the cats will immediately start meowing and pawing at my chair. Spoiled brats.
Emmy is still meowing at me as I type this, and jumping on and off my chair. Ugh...
Today was National Coffee Day so I actually got dressed and went through the drive-thru. Not that there's anything wrong with the coffee I make... but I've gotten quite bored with it since I've basically been a shut-in for the past two weeks (due to the bronchitis). Plus, I was originally attempting to go to the grocery store, but I just didn't have the energy for that much. I hate going even when I'm well.
I almost called the doctor last week, but then I got into a fight with mom and said to hell with it. Not that I needed an excuse... I've been trying to avoid all things medical until I get my insurance sorted out. This whole healthcare.gov thing is the biggest bunch of bullshit I've ever dealt with. I've been dealing with this shit for 2 months now, getting the runaround, just to have my state finally make a determination and volley me back at the federal government. Seriously? WTF. I've dealt with gallstones, an infected toe, bronchitis, a major allergic reaction all over my body, and another unrelated rash all while waiting for my goddamn insurance. If I had anything serious, I would be dead by now.
But don't even think about stopping. If my arm gets tired and I decide to put the toy away before they're ready, the cats will immediately start meowing and pawing at my chair. Spoiled brats.
Emmy is still meowing at me as I type this, and jumping on and off my chair. Ugh...
Today was National Coffee Day so I actually got dressed and went through the drive-thru. Not that there's anything wrong with the coffee I make... but I've gotten quite bored with it since I've basically been a shut-in for the past two weeks (due to the bronchitis). Plus, I was originally attempting to go to the grocery store, but I just didn't have the energy for that much. I hate going even when I'm well.
I almost called the doctor last week, but then I got into a fight with mom and said to hell with it. Not that I needed an excuse... I've been trying to avoid all things medical until I get my insurance sorted out. This whole healthcare.gov thing is the biggest bunch of bullshit I've ever dealt with. I've been dealing with this shit for 2 months now, getting the runaround, just to have my state finally make a determination and volley me back at the federal government. Seriously? WTF. I've dealt with gallstones, an infected toe, bronchitis, a major allergic reaction all over my body, and another unrelated rash all while waiting for my goddamn insurance. If I had anything serious, I would be dead by now.
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