Cat TV

My cats are so lazy.  Other people's cats go crazy when you bust out the laser pointer.  It's actually entertaining.  Mine get smart to it and just lay down, while lazily putting out a paw like Daria.

But don't even think about stopping.  If my arm gets tired and I decide to put the toy away before they're ready, the cats will immediately start meowing and pawing at my chair.  Spoiled brats.


Emmy is still meowing at me as I type this, and jumping on and off my chair.  Ugh...

Today was National Coffee Day so I actually got dressed and went through the drive-thru.  Not that there's anything wrong with the coffee I make... but I've gotten quite bored with it since I've basically been a shut-in for the past two weeks (due to the bronchitis).  Plus, I was originally attempting to go to the grocery store, but I just didn't have the energy for that much.  I hate going even when I'm well.

I almost called the doctor last week, but then I got into a fight with mom and said to hell with it.  Not that I needed an excuse... I've been trying to avoid all things medical until I get my insurance sorted out.  This whole healthcare.gov thing is the biggest bunch of bullshit I've ever dealt with.  I've been dealing with this shit for 2 months now, getting the runaround, just to have my state finally make a determination and volley me back at the federal government.  Seriously?  WTF.  I've dealt with gallstones, an infected toe, bronchitis, a major allergic reaction all over my body, and another unrelated rash all while waiting for my goddamn insurance.  If I had anything serious, I would be dead by now.

Halloween Cat: our newest fluffy edition to the family

Ember

A little over a month ago (Thursday August 7th, to be precise), we found a fluffy ball of fur hiding under my car along with her twin sister and Yellow Cat. We had just got home from target with random groceries, including Snickerdoodle mix, and were stepping outside for more bags when we noticed the cats.  Yellow cat and the twin immediately ran out from under the car, but Emmy stayed behind.  The other cats peeked their heads around the fence one last time as if to encourage her to follow them, but she seemed glued to the tired she was hiding behind.  We went back into the house for a ribbon and some kitten food, which allowed us to coax her from her hiding spot.  She loooooooves ribbons.  I nicknamed her Snickerdoodle for the time being.

After playing with her for most of the evening, we left some food and water for her and then went back inside.  But my heart was tugging.  I hated leaving the poor baby out there.  I posted on facebook to see if any of my friends would like to adopt her and I got a bite.  That was all the excuse I needed to bring her in the house.  I woke up the boyfriend and told him to fill up the extra litter box while I lured her with some food and ribbons.  She was inside in two seconds, and that was pretty much it.  My friend called me the next day and said her husband wouldn't let her have the kitten (allergies), so I pretty much considered Ember to be ours.  We kept her in the mudroom until she got a clean bill of health from the vet, but we did open the door for hours at a time to let the cats get used to each other.  They took to each other quickly.  It was less than a week and our new concern was keeping them away from each other until Emmy was tested.

Now we have two happy cats.  Estel loves having a friend to play with, and they're teaching each other things.  Emmy taught Estel how to make toys slide across the kitchen floor.  And Estel taught Emmy to fear plastic bags... OK, so you can't win 'em all.

Emmy loves to play so much that she exhausts both me and Estel.  She won't sit on my lap yet, but she'll happily lay on the floor and let me pet her until my hand is about to fall off.  Near as we can figure, she's about a year old now.  She grew a little after we first found her so I'd place her as a Virgo or Libra.  My mom thinks she looks like a little owl. :3

Descent into Madness - or the story of becoming a "cat person"

It's hard to believe I used to be a dog person.

When I was little I desperately wanted a dog, but my mother was against having pets.  She had always gotten stuck taking care of her sister's pets as a child... a bird and a bunny - both of which bit and pooped a lot.  So you can imagine her experience was hardly a pleasant one.

We managed to compromise on a turtle.  I was still very young at the time, and given that my mom is a neurotic, she pretty much insisted on taking care of the poor thing because she was afraid I'd get salmonella or something.  It didn't help that my turtle's food was a dry powder that had to be boiled with water to form a gelatin-like substance.  I think it was mostly made of shrimp, which is kind of odd for a box turtle.  But she'd turn her nose up at fruits and veggies.  My baby was a carnivore.

So yeah... as you can imagine, my neurotic mother wouldn't let me near the stove.  And well, she has a history of just taking things out of my hands and doing it herself because I'm not meeting some obscure measure of perfection.  But that didn't stop her from bitching about the fact that she had to take care of my turtle.  Whose fault was that, mom?  Really?

Anyway, as much as I loved my turtle, I really craved a pet that could run around outside and play with me.  Being an only child sucked at times.  Don't get me wrong - I loved the peace and quiet, I loved not having my toys and clothes destroyed by some careless sibling, I loved that it meant my parents had more money to spend on me... but there were times when I was lonely and wanted a playmate.  I'm pretty sure if I had had a dog I would have never wished for a sibling ever again.

As I got older... and grouchier, and more cynical, and introverted... I became less of a dog person.  Suddenly their boundless energy and neediness began to wear me down rather than excite me for an adventure.  Their constant need to lick my face became nerve-wracking as I reached the age when my face was covered in make-up to hide the zits I had popped.  Their intrusiveness and constant need for attention made me shrink away to some dark corner with a book.  And of course, my mom's paranoia that every dog was a vicious killer just waiting to attack began to play havoc with my anxiety.

Which is actually ironic since I have not been bitten by a dog, but I was bitten by a cat as a child.  That's probably one of the big reasons I wasn't too keen on cats when I was little.  I did love my grandma's neighbor's cat, but she very rarely came inside and would only let you get a few pets in before she'd return to whatever important cat things she had on her agenda that afternoon.  It was actually the cat of another of my grandma's neighbors that attacked me.  We had stepped inside this woman's kitchen because my mother was speaking to her about 'adult things' or whatever.  I didn't even know the lady had a cat until that bastard sunk his teeth and claws into the back of my ankle.  The damn thing was deranged (if only Jackson Galaxy had been around back then!).  I was literally standing in the middle of the kitchen, not touching anything, and it came racing up the steps and latched onto me.  That experience soured me against cats for over a decade.

So it's kind of odd, even to me, that by the time I hit college I was desperate for a cat.  I can't even pinpoint when the change happened... it just sort of did.  Next thing ya know, I'm obsessed with getting a cat... but I still couldn't have one yet.  I had to go home on breaks, and my mom absolutely refused to let a cat in her home even temporarily.  It wasn't until my boyfriend and I moved in together that I finally got my wish.  He just happened to have acquired a cat right before he met me.  Now that's what I call icing on the coincidence cake!  And as you all know, I have since become obsessed with my little furball (though trust me, I was just as bad about my turtle and goldfish too.  Instagram just hadn't been invented yet).  Consider me a cat person for life!

OotD: Roadside Apothecary

I <3 my new messenger bag

I've been pretty excited about this outfit.  I bought it when the weather was still cold and have been dying for a warm enough day to break it out.  ('Warm enough' meaning that I could pair it with my brown platform sandals and bare legs.)  Unfortunately, the weather remains oppressively cold... so I improvised!  I took advantage of the high 40s yesterday and comprised by wearing my Black Milk warm grey leggings and my favorite army green jacket from dELiA*s.  Damn did it feel good to wear something besides a bulky sweater!

Part of the inspiration for this outfit is that I've been messing around with jewelry-making again thanks to a cosplay project I'm undertaking with my friends.  One of my first test pieces was this delightful ring:

I've decided that whatever materials I have leftover from our Sailor Scout costumes will go towards making cosplay and other jewelry for my poor, neglected Etsy shop.  I recommend you bookmark Roadside Apothecary because I should have some pieces up there pretty soon, along with perhaps some occult related things. 

Yesterday was a pretty exciting day, which seems kind of novel after such a brutal, depressing winter.  Le boyfriend and I went to Olive Garden as we had a gift card and I have been having a major craving for tiramisu.  I don't think I've eaten that fast in a while.  I pretty much devoured my meal.  It was glorious.

le boyfriend looking pensive and handsome

Afterward, we went to the craft store for some more supplies, but for some goddamn reason they closed at 4pm that day only.  What the hell?  March 15th is not a real holiday, people.  Ugh.  Well, it looks like I'll be making another trip out this week.

Pic spam below:

These shorts were unintentionally the best purchase I made this month.  I didn't even bother trying them on in the store... I just grabbed my size and threw them on the checkout counter with my fingers crossed.  But... it turns out they have a reversible pattern!!!  One side is paint splotches with a skulls and roses waistband, and the other is skulls and roses with a denim waistband!   I loooooooooove them!

meow :3

Why it took forever to get my package

You could have just left it at the Warrendale facility.

Seriously... this was supposed to be 2 day shipping and look at the clusterfuck that transpired instead.  I was supposed to have this on Monday according to the original notice and didn't get it until Wednesday instead because some idiot sent my package an hour in the opposite direction and let it waste a day on a delivery truck.  Get your shit together, USPS!  And you wonder why you're losing money to UPS and Fed-ex.  :sigh:

Anyway, I finally have my Heavy Red sweaters and they are lovely!  Some day when I'm finally over the plague (aka sinus infection that keeps coming back) I will post pictures of my purchases.

Whining about being ill

Why am I up right now?  Oh, that's right... I made peanut butter fudge and now I must consume it.

I do need to go to bed soon so I don't screw up my sleep schedule too badly for Monday.  Plus, I'm sick (again) and can't really afford to not get sleep right now.  This has been the cold that won't go away.  It's almost as tenacious as this godawful weather.  I've pretty much been sick for a month straight with a day or two here and there where I thought I was all better.  I even took antibiotics (which I hate to do) but that only took away the neon green color.  Otherwise, I still have everything else.  Well, I was pretty much over it and then on Friday afternoon I had the weak, coming down with something feeling again and I just started to crash.  My sinuses are totally clogged and dripping - a paradox, I know!  I just want it to be over.  Ugh....

I have so much I need to do right now.  Health insurance, taxes, working on our cosplay costumes for the con, cleaning the damn apartment, finding where I set my pay stubs so I can balance my damn checkbook... I mean, fuck.  And I still need to go in for bloodwork but I refuse to do that while I'm sick.  And I really need to be more consistent with exercising but it's hella hard when you feel like crap every day. 

Aw, fuck it.  I'm going to bed.

No goth clothes for me

Soooo..... guess what didn't come today.  :(

ARGH, so frustrated!  The stupid package arrives at a postal center an hour away from my house, then gets shipped to a postal center 2 hours away from my house, then has no further status updates on the tracker since 8:55 A.M.!  In fact, it's still showing that it's due to arrive today.  Well... they have less than an hour to make that miracle happen.

And my lousy cold is returning full force... ugh.  Pity me.

u_u

Plastic Bag of Doom and other non-sense

Why does my cat insist on pawing at things?  Specifically plastic bags, cardboard, paper....  Sometimes he extends his claws slightly to get a certain sound, but he never ever rips the item in question.  WTF?

While attempting to Google this, I came across this page: CatStuff: Why Does a Cat Do That.  Which led me to the most unintentionally obnoxious/hilarious line:

Why do cats like crinkly sounds?
Crinkly sounds are similar to the high-pitched noises of rodents, birds, and crickets, so the crisp, crinkly sound of a crumpled piece of paper or walking into a paper bag stimulates the cat's "prey response."

Hah!  Ha HA.  HAHhahHahAHAha!

Estel might be OK with the crinkly sound when he's pawing at the plastic bag, but goddamn... I can't even unload the groceries without him running in fear.  Getting cookies out of a box can result in my lap getting scratched up as he scrambles to run away from this oh-so-serious threat.  And don't even get me started on keys...  Seriously, we can't even use cat toys if the jingly bells are "too loud."

If these noises, particularly the crinkly sounds, are supposed to mimic his prey then why the fuck is my cat so terrified by them?   What in his past traumatized him so acutely?  Did his former owners do something weird?  Ugh, I wish I knew.

I just want my cat to stop being irrationally terrified of nearly everything...

 and to know why he insists on pawing every box and bag in the apartment.

Mom strikes again - Cooking Fun

I made lasagna last week (hot damn! it was delicious) but once again it seemed to take forever to cook.  Honestly, it probably should have cooked longer but we were starving.  So a couple days later when I was at my mom's...

me:  I don't know why my lasagna never cooks right.  I follow your recipe to the letter.

mom:  oh, well maybe it's the stove.  or maybe it's the pan you're using?

me:  I use the same damn glass pan that you use.

mom:  I don't use a glass pan.

me:  Yes, you do.  It's the same one you use for the sweet potatoes.

mom:  But I don't use it for the lasagna.

me:  Yes, you do.

mom:  No, I use the brown pan.

*Just told me last week that I could borrow the brown pan to transport cupcakes because it's my grandma's old pan from the 60s that she NEVER USES FOR ANYTHING.*

me: ...

mom:  It's probably the glass pan that's the problem.  Glass usually takes longer to cook than metal.

me:  I'm well aware...


*The next day*

me: Hunny, didn't mom give us that glass pan?

le boyfriend:  I dunno.

me:  I'm serious.  That wasn't something we bought together, right?

le boyfriend:  I don't think so.

me:  Goddamnit!  I knew it!  I swear to god I remember shopping at Target with mom and her buying that pan for me so I could specifically make lasagna in it!


Seriously... it's like she plans these things.

Breakfast Time

I got desperate this morning and ate some of le boyfriend's cereal.  Ugh.  I'm usually not much of a cereal person to be honest.  I ate cereal as a kid... but mostly it was just handfuls of dry cereal as a snack rather than a legitimate breakfast option.  When I do buy cereals as an adult, a rare occasion to be sure, I usually buy some tiny $4 bag of organic granola.  But I needed something quick and easy this morning and le boyfriends cereal sounded good...

Special K with chocolate and strawberries... How could I go wrong?  When I opened up the bag I was greeted by large slices of freeze-dried strawberries.  So far, so good.  But I noticed there weren't any chocolate pieces in my bowl.  I shook the box a few times and tried again.  Nothing.  WTF.  Finally, I dug my hand in and searched.  I came up with a tiny sliver of chocolate that barely tasted like anything when I put it in my mouth.  So, as most of my brilliant plans begin, I said "fuck it" and dumped some dark chocolate Velata chips in the bowl.

I added in my soy milk and we were good to go.  Except, UGH.  What's up with all the sugariness?  I thought Special K was an adult cereal ffs.  I might as well go eat the Reese's Puffs in the cupboard - at least they taste good!  I just really hate that fake sugar taste when things have been overly (artificially) sweetened.  It's not necessary!  It just makes me want to puke.  I actually needed the Velata chips for balance as they were the least sweet thing in the bowl. 

Ugh.... I think it's time to make some coffee, wake up, and find some real food.

Yahoo/Tumblr Censorship. RAGE!!!

I'm so ridiculously upset right now.  Tumblr removed one of my photos for no goddamn discernible reason.  According to le boyfriend, this has been happening to a lot of people recently... so I think it's safe to say that this is all a result of the buyout by Yahoo.

Fuck you.

:(

The offending picture

Excuse me for not knowing that pink fucking hot cocoa was so offensive to your delicate sensibilities.


This may not seem like a big deal to some of you... but getting over 5K notes as a non-tumblr famous person is a big fucking deal.  Even if I post it again, I probably won't get close to that many notes.  Plus, all the blogs that had reblogged this image had the potential to generate traffic for my blog, and now I've lost that.  This hurts my blog a lot more than if they had removed just about any other image. So yeah... fuck them.

OotD: We Were Born to Die

This was the summer of Lana Del Rey.

http://lookbook.nu/look/3116001-Forever-21-Black-Ruffle-Collared-Shirt-Vanity

My boyfriend was still living in another state and the weather was cold, but Megan and I were already gearing up for a ridiculous summer.  We had just finished raiding the mall before returning to her apartment in what passes for a big city around here.  Later that year I would be interning as a fashion photographer for my friend's start-up jewelry/accessories company, with the Born to Die album more often than not blasting from my car stereo as I commuted to an actual big city for the photo-shoots.  It was the seminal album of that year.

I'm not sure why I had my camera on me that night.  Had this supposedly impromptu photo-shoot been our plan all along?  Perhaps.  I remember coffee and choco-wine and battling Jason with my sparkly $1 wand from Target.  In between the shenanigans we managed to take some photos for Lookbook.  This was probably one of the more sane coordinates of the night.

Forever 21: black ruffled collar shirt, black sun hat
Vanity: purple feather earrings
Rue 21: polka dot heart shaped sunglasses

OotD: Carry Me, Ohio

Carry Me, Ohio

I think this is a really good outfit to start with since it represents something significant in my life.  This was taken outside of my boyfriend's old apartments, before he moved 6 hours away just to be with me.  I loved going down to visit and exploring the city.  There was also something special about having such limited time together.  It made us have to really focus on each other, even more so than other new couples.  But I wouldn't trade it for where we're at now.  Nothing beats having him here with me every day and being able to share experiences with him rather than just telling him about them over the phone.  To me, this picture represents our journey from two silly kids on the computer to something deeper.  A reminder to cherish the past, but also 'look at how far we've come.'

In this picture I'm wearing a cowl neck sweater from Forever 21 with ripped leggings and a fake leather jacket (also Forever 21) to give it an edge and make it more "me."  The grey boots are from JCPenney's and are probably my most complimented footwear next to my spikey boots.  Sadly, wearing them to work is really taking a toll on them.  I'm not sure how much longer they'll last.  The earrings, though a bit hard to see, are little clear hearts with strips of colorful foil paper inside.  They make me think of art class.

Frustrated and word-less

I keep logging on here and staring at the blank page of a potential new blog.  I work on blogs in my head while I'm at work or on the road, but by the time I get to a computer screen I have completely lost the thought... or the nuances of the thought.  It's becoming increasingly frustrating.

And it's not like these thoughts are gone forever.  Putting myself back in the setting I was in when I had that thought can often revive it.  But there doesn't seem to be a way of hanging onto them.  If only I could blog at work... or have someone take notes for me while I'm driving/in the shower/etc.

Semi-related to this, I've been thinking a lot lately about doing an Outfit-of-the-Day kind of thing.  Except not quit literally because there would be repeats, boring work clothes, and pajama days.  But I'd at least like to have this blog synced up with my lookbook.  I feel like there's often a lot of good shots I can include or stories I want to tell about certain outfits or pieces.  Does anyone else do OotD posts that could share some ideas on formatting and execution?

In other news, I posted an article about transgender celebrities speaking out about transgender representation in media... and now "hotamateurshemales" is following my tumblr.  Thanks, internet.  Way to miss the point there.

eyes

Phosphenes and Hypnagogic Imagery

I found this article really interesting since I always wondered what the heck to call this stuff.  Most of the time when I close my eyes, I just get a pretty basic dark swirl with speckles of light (depending on the actual light sources in the room)... but sometimes I actually get some pretty intricate patterns.  It's fascinating what your brain does.

Reading about this made me wondering if there's a name for another eye phenomenon I experience.  Sometimes when I'm sitting down and staring at, for example, a blemish on my leg or something else tiny, I'll be so focused on it that I won't even notice how clear and large it is.  My vision is completely filled up by this formerly small expanse, as if my nose is almost touching it.  Then I'll look away for some reason and when I look back at the spot, it's back to being tiny and far away, with a much broader area in my peripheral.  So what's it called when your eyes perform this telescopic feat?  I've always been curious (and would certainly like to know if there's a way to control it).

October in pictures

Halloween this year was both super fun and kind of disappointing.  I feel like we just didn't get to do as much as last year... and the boyfriend's new work schedule made it impossible to take him to any Saturday night events, which left me pretty bummed.  Oh, and did I mention getting sick just in time for the holiday?  Yeah, there was that too.

birthday girl

What little we did do was really fun though.  And I think my last minute costume turned out pretty spectacular (thanks to the super awesome birthday present from le boyfriend).

http://lookbook.nu/ritualcoffee

Neovictorian Vampire Hunter and King Mob

kill all the vampires!

We also attended the wedding of one of my best friends from high school.  It's about damn time!  (I'm really happy for her! :3)

le boyfriend and I

3V forever. (that's the bride in the middle)

Probably one of my favorite events of the month was our trip to Conneaut's Ghost Lake, which is a series of haunted houses set up in the old theme park.  Last year had been really disappointing because the hotel (supposedly legit haunted) and the lake shore were all blocked off.  I think there had been a fire or something.  This year everything was back up and running (aside from one attraction) so it was once again spectacular.  I'm pretty sure our group was more obnoxious fun than any of the plethora of teenagers huddled in line with us.  And that was even before we stopped at the hotel bar halfway through.  Look, it was frickin' cold out!  And the bar was very warm...

It was seriously cold though.  Probably the coldest night so far this autumn.  I kept molesting le boyfriend for warmth.  Dave ended up buying a $5 women's winter set for himself and we kept trying to stick the hat on things because it was so ridiculous looking.  Jason had specifically worn one of his devilish Black Craft Cult shirts and insisted on exposing it whenever there was black light... while simultaneously dancing.  And then we saw the most epic collection of posters at the dart game in the midway.  It is best described by this song:

The guy at the booth was really cool though.  I took home the wolf poster.

My Current Loves

I want to take a moment to share with you some things I love and the endeavors of my lovely friends.

My dear, dear friend Megan over at Star Above Muted Worlds is now selling Kitsy Lane jewelry.  Ask her nicely and she might have some spare coupons left over.  You should go check out her website now while she has some sweet flash sales going on: https://anadelis.kitsylane.com/

Another friend of mine, David K., is having a sale on his Pop Art style paintings over on his Etsy: http://www.etsy.com/shop/davidkdecadentdesign

Use this code for 50% off: FACEBOOKAUGUST

And, of course, there is my own venture into direct sales.  I've recently become an independent consultant for Scentsy!

Creepy Crawly: the BEST warmer ever!

For those of you who've never heard of it, Scentsy is a system of scented wax and wax warmers, in addition to bath and body products, home goods, and plushies.  Actually, it's a lot more awesome and expansive than I can describe it, so just go take a look at my website and browse the catalog: click here 

August is sale month so in addition to this being your last chance to buy summer items, products are 10% off.  But the super awesome Creepy Crawly warmer, and the rest of the Fall/Winter collection, won't be available until September 1st.



Aaaaand one last love because holy crap am I obsessed!  Welcome to Night Vale.

If you aren't listening to this yet, I'm just going to assume you've been living under a rock.  Welcome to Night Vale is the most popular podcast in the U.S.  It's a Lovecraftian tale created and produced by Commonplace Books.  It revolves around the affable radio show host Cecil, his crush (the ever perfect and beautiful scientist Carlos), and the often horrifying goings on in the dystopian desert town of Night Vale.


11 Reasons You Should be Listening to Welcome to Night Vale

America's Most Popular Podcast: What the internet did to "Welcome to Night Vale"

 I agree with the last article's astute observation that tumblr helped Welcome to Night Vale catch it's big break... but I have to disagree with the fandom.  While Hannibal is a popular fandom, it's popularity and obsessive tendencies pale in comparison to the Homestuck fandom.  Judging by my own dashboard, I'd say it was the Homestuck people that catapulted it to fame.  :P

"How to Internet" by My Mom

So my mother decides she wants to order a replacement light for her makeup mirror.  It's a special size and shape so she has no choice but to use the internet to find one.  That was her first mistake...

My mom finds one on Amazon, but she doesn't want to use my account (finally!) so she has to make her own account.  I guess, according to her, I was supposed to show her how, but she never remembers when I'm over to visit. 

Anyway, she brings the computer into the kitchen while I'm finishing dinner and tells me how it won't let her make a new account.  I find this hard to believe, but I ask her to explain.  She claims that every time she tries to make a new account, it gives her my account and all these messages that her email is already tied to an account.  Well, that gets me wondering if her email was somehow tied to my account from back when I was under 18. 

I ask her to click the "create account" link.  She clicks it and everything works fine.  She's able to create her new account.  "But it didn't do that when you weren't here!" she cries.  It took me a minute but I realized what had been happening earlier is that the browser was auto-filling in my email address when she was undoubtedly clicking the "log in" button instead.

OK, so now she has an account.  She's all set, right?  Ha.  Ha ha.  HAHAHAHAHA.

The light is already saved in her cart so she proceeds to checkout.  She's laboring painfully on the payment page.  I start to pace and peek over her shoulder, to ensure she doesn't do something stupid like send a million dollars to a Nigerian scam artist.

"I'm not stupid."   Oh?  "The reason I go so slow is not because I don't know what I'm doing but because I can't see."  She's totally wearing her glasses FYI.  "When you get old you just can't see these little things."  Uh huh...

I squint a little at the computer screen.  "Mom, your name isn't 'Vias'." 

Seriously... "The 'name on card' isn't Visa either.  It's YOUR name.  You type your name there."  So much for not being able to see.

We finally get through the payment and she gets to the receipt screen.  She proceeds to bookmark it.  "Mom, what are you doing?"

"I'm bookmarking this page in case I don't get the email."

"Mom, those expire after a while.  Why don't you just print the page?"

"No, it's never expired for me before.  I don't want to print it."

"Fine......................  Well, why don't you just open a new tab and see if you've gotten the email yet?"

"Huh?"

"Click the plus sign!  It opens a new tab in your browser.  You can check your email WHILE keeping this receipt page up!"  I'm close to hyperventilating at this point... trust me, reading a typed out version does not do justice to the actual experience of dealing with my mother.

"I didn't know you could do that."  Of course not.

So we go into her email and she starts bitching about all the spam emails she gets from various online shopping sites.  I can sympathize.  I've had to unsubscribe from a lot of companies I really like because I just can't keep up with the volume of useless emails they send me.  So I suggest that she lets me help her unsubscribe from their email lists.

"No.  I want to order from them someday."

"Mom... you don't need to be on their mailing list to order from their website.  Just let me unsubscribe you!"

She proceeds to delete the email and gets all flustered.  "No no.  I don't want you to touch anything.  I have my reasons."  Which I'm pretty sure is code for 'I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.'

Once again I have lost the battle of the internet to mom.

The State of Something

I believe that the church made suicide a sin because if they hadn't then what would stop people from taking a shortcut to a happier (after)life.  As Thomas Hobbes put it, life in the state of nature is "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short."  But it's really not any better under the social contract either, at least for most of us.





I'm an atheist.

Gregor Samsa

[on the topic of bugs in the apartment]

Le boyfriend: You're going to wake up tomorrow morning...

Me: No.  Stop it!  I have nightmares about this kind of shit.

Le boyfriend: ... and you're going to wake up next to a giant bug.

Me: Kafka, you are not.

Le boyfriend: What?

Me: Kafka?  The Metamorphosis?

Le boyfriend: Never heard of it.

Me: Did your school teach you nothing?!

Le boyfriend: No!  We've gone over this.  My school taught me nothing.

Le boyfriend: It was just a place to babysit your kids while the parents did drugs.